Authors note: This chapter is for mature readers and contains material of a sexual nature and content.
Chapter 22: Breathless Memory
There is a moment in the act of cutting when you almost leave your body. Or at least it feels that way. You can feel the cuts, the sting of the razor as it crosses your skin, but you are so distant from it, faded so much in the background it doesn’t matter. None of those outer feelings mean a thing. You have retreated within yourself to where whatever drove you to cutting lives. Surrounded by your own sorrows and loneliness, the blade continues to cut, trying to draw you back out into the real world to feel all the anguish that awaits you there. Sometimes I even hear voices calling me. Like now. I heard my name in a whisper, followed by no. No. No. Like a mantra it whispered my name, and though my eyes were closed, wanting all things to go away, it stayed. Nora. Nora.
“Nora,” the voice called, this time a little louder. “Please stop.”
I opened my eyes, and there was a face in front of mine. Dark eyes, long blond hair, beautiful face. Haru.
“Oh Nora, what have you done?” He looked down at my bare legs. Five stripes of blood on my skin where the razor had cut. I grabbed the hem of my skirt and pulled it back down to my knees to hide the shame of my cutting.
“No,” he said, and putting his fingers over mine, he drew the bottom of my skirt up again in a slow slide over my skin. It crept up my thigh, and the brush of his fingers against my skin made me blush. The cuts were visible now, and he stopped my skirt from rising further. I knew he could see the edge of my underwear but I didn’t care, because now he was descending to one knee, his face, his lips brushing my trembling leg just above the knee. I felt his kiss on my skin, and it trailed up my leg to the cuts made by the razor.
He stopped. A slight hesitation. I looked down. His face was inches from the first cut, the blood still wet. And then his lips were on the wound, a light kiss against flesh and blood. Then I felt the pull, a sucking against the skin, the drawing of my blood that was both healing and erotic. A warmth washed over me, as if I were made of nothing but blood rising to a boil.
His fingers danced across the cuts, smearing the blood on his skin and mine, and he kissed another of the self inflicted wounds, drawing my blood into his mouth. Not lapping it up, as he had done with Ryo, but a slow, gentle suckling of the skin that sent chills up my frame. I found myself wishing he would drink all of me.
“Haru,” I whispered, as he tasted another cut. His hands touched the edge of my underwear. A shudder nearly ran through me, an anticipation that I could barely contain.
He lifted his head from my skin and looked up at me, a trace of my blood on his lips. He drew it into his mouth with his tongue, so not a drop would escape. He rose to his feet and his face edged towards mine, his hands still on my trembling legs.
“You don’t have to do this anymore, Nora, “ he whispered. His lips brushed mine. “Your pain…” A kiss. “Your hurt.” Another kiss. “Your loneliness.” A taste of his tongue. “ is mine.”
Then his mouth was full upon me, and I parted my lips upon his, allowing his tongue to play over mine, as I forgot every fear, worry, or doubt. I felt his hands leave my legs, as they sought my face, a palm pressed to each cheek, as his mouth, his beautiful full mouth, molded to mine in a delirious embrace.
His hands moved down my neck, his fingers tracing the skin there as if trying to find the softest spot, and then they trailed to my throat, down my collar to cross my breasts on the descent to lower places. He grasped the bottom of my tank top and slowly eased it up. I raised my arms so he could slide it off my body, and he kissed my forehead just above the eyes as it came off. Hands sliding across my skin, they traced lines around the contours of my bra, and his lips found mine once more. I welcomed his warm tongue into my mouth. I felt my bra come undone and he slipped it off me, discarding it to the floor.
I wrapped my arms about him, pulling his head closer to mine, running my fingers through his locks of hair. His fingers drew loving circles upon my skin, his hands caressing me. I could feel his palms pressed against my breasts, and it excited me to fill his hands with the shape of me.
His kiss left my mouth to playfully draw at my lower lip, before tasting my throat, on their way down my body. His lips kissed between my breasts, and for a moment I thought he would do as he’d done with Ryo. Take a bite and draw deep. I found myself thinking of that moment, watching them and wishing it was me he was drinking from. But, he did not bite. He did not drink. He kissed, he licked, he tasted, and I threw my head back pushing my body towards his, wanting him to take all of me, not just my mouth, throat, and breasts. His lips and tongue savored my flesh. I was hot and burning, and it felt as if I were melting against his mouth.
I felt my skirt rising up my leg, and his fingers wound themselves up in my panties. I heard my own breath escape my lips with a soft moan. My body responded to his touch, welcoming his fingers against my heat. His mouth playfully bit at my breasts, and I wanted him to bite harder. I discovered my own hands exploring his body as well. My fingers in frantic motions unbuttoned his shirt, drawing it open, so my hands could make their own traces upon his bare, hairless chest. His skin was moist, the muscles taut and rippled, and I wanted to taste his sweat on my lips, but his own mouth was working wonders on my body, his fingers exploring my most secret place, moist now as his own skin.
He lay me back on the bed, easing me down and I felt something tear from me. It was my skirt, or the remnants of it, being torn away and flung into a dark corner. My hands reached for his pants, gripping them with a hungry urgency, that I nearly tore them from his torso as well. Instead, I slid them over his hips and down his legs, and he removed them the rest of the way with his feet. He wasn’t wearing anything under and I reached for him. He moaned and I felt his hands graze my thigh, pulling on the fabric of my underwear until it gave way and joined my tattered skirt in the corner. He lifted me, my lower body arching towards his, until I felt his hardness against me.
“I love you, my Nora,” he whispered and then he was inside. I gasped. My fingers clutched his bare back, drawing my nails down his skin, like the razor blade had once done to my own. His back bent and he eased further into me . There was a pain, but it soon gave way to pleasure, as I wrapped my legs around him, holding him inside. He moaned, and it matched my own sounds. A wave of heat washed over me and I felt as if the world was falling away beneath me, as our bodies moved and thrusted against the other.
We writhed together, twisting, turning, two entwining bodies on an ocean of ecstasy. A whimper, born of craving desire and heights of pleasure, came from beneath my clenched lips, and I bit his shoulder. His body tensed with the unexpected action, and he groaned my name over and over in my ear. I never was too crazy about the name I’d been born with, but hearing it inside a moan changed everything. I cried from the joy of being one with Haru. Connected by spirit, soul, heart, and now body, I was his, he was mine. We were no longer two lost entities floating alone, we were a single unit moving together in synchronized rhythm to a song only we could hear.
When the rush came it was like being bowled over by a rogue wave. It washed over me so quick and hard I cried out, and Haru cried out with me, his arms pulling me as close as we could ever be, as our bodies tensed and released all the passion that had been dwelling dormant inside us for so long. The world exploded around us, everything melting into oblivion. The pleasure went beyond physical things, morphing into something that could only be described as spiritual. Any minute I expected us to be speaking in tongues, and we did, our tongues within each other’s mouths, sucking the tips as we died in each other’s warmth.
I felt his gentle collapse, and our bodies slowed in rhythm as our being tried to catch up with our breath. He lay atop me, not crushing me, but like a cocoon protecting the lonely caterpillar who after today would be a butterfly, flitting free from her shell and into a newly discovered world . I cried against him and he lifted himself from me to look down in my face.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
“Yes,“ I replied in a whisper, trying to catch my breath enough to speak. “Yes, Haru.”
He smiled, and to me as if it were the light of the sun shining through to the darkness for the first time. “Now, I know what it is like to live within your breath,” he said. “I want to stay there forever.”
“I want you to.”
“Stay with me forever,” I replied, and he leaned down to kiss where my tears of joy had been.
“From now on, any tears you have I will kiss them away,” he said, but the truth was he already had. He’d taken my heart, my blood, my body, my very desires, and turned them into his. As sleep and exhaustion overcame us both, all that mattered was he was still inside me and we fell asleep that way, me feeling him and his warmth, not caring about the world outside or that I would never be his vampire bride. But I would always be his. Claimed, taken, enraptured in his every word and touch.
+ + + + +
Sometime in the middle of the night mom came home. I heard her car pull into the driveway. I may not have been made into a vampire, but my senses were heightened from my experience. My first time had been unlike anyone else’s, and as such I felt altered somehow by my vampire lover. He had tasted of my blood, and drank the small amount from my cutting. Did he perhaps give me something of himself in exchange? I tried to remember if I had tasted his blood when I bit his shoulder, and looked at Haru’s bare shoulder as he lay asleep beside me. The skin was unbroken.
I heard the front door close and mom ascending the stairs. I could even hear her pause outside the door, listening. Usually my television would be playing all night as I slept, but tonight I’d forgot. Tonight I didn’t need it. I curled up against Haru and he opened his eyes.
“Oh, are you awake?” I asked in a whisper, so mom wouldn’t hear if she was still at the door.
“I never slept. I just closed my eyes and breathed you in.” As if to prove his point, his face nuzzled against my cheek and he took in a deep breath. “I love the smell of your hair, your skin, your breath.”
“My breath smells?” I asked in a playful tone.
“Yes, it has a unique, wonderful, enticing scent.” He put his mouth upon mine, and his lips covered my own perfectly. I welcomed his tongue into my mouth and gave him mine. I snuggled closer and felt his hands under the covers touching me alive again. It was maddening, just being this close to him, being wrapped up under covers with the most beautiful boy ever. I didn’t ever want to come out of this. I didn’t need the day and the sun if nights with Haru were going to be like this from now on.
He pulled me over on top of him, and my senses were heightened once more, as we found each other still in a state of want. I moved against him quiet as I could, and his hands came to rest on my lower back, sliding under me to help lift my hips, as the world spun off its axis again.
+ + + + +
“Where did you go?” I asked, sometime in the early morning hours. My head was laying on his chest, one leg thrown across his waist.
“I haven’t gone anywhere. I’ve been with you all night.”
“No, I mean from Ryo’s. With Luhan, where did you go? I was worried.”
“Oh. I had to feed.”
“Feed? Didn’t you feed from Ryo?”
“Well, yeah. But that was just to sustain me.”
I was confused at this. “Didn’t he save your life?” I asked.
He smiled. “You saved it with your crazy driving.”
I must have made a face because his smile grew wider. “To be fair, I guess in a sense he prolonged it. But feeding from another vampire really doesn’t do much for you.”
“I don’t understand. Maybe I shouldn’t say it, but it looked like you were enjoying it.”
A smirk. “Yes, well, that’s the hunger for you. But the only alternative was to drink from you and run the risk of killing you. When it gets that desperate, it would be difficult to stop myself from draining you.”
“I’m sorry. I just thought… to see you drink from his chest in such intimate fashion…”
He chuckled, cutting me off. “Did you think he and I were lovers? No Nora, the chest, close to the heart, is where the best blood is. It kept me from dehydration until I could hunt on my own.”
I sat up on one elbow. “Hunt?”
He looked away for a moment. “There will be things about me you won’t like. I’m not even sure you can live with them, or me. Like the vampires of western legend, I have to drink human blood. And it can’t be from a corpse. Animal blood is no good either, though it can sustain you if you drink it in large quantities. Still, you’ll always need human blood, preferably blood that is circulating through the body and not sitting in a bag in cold storage.”
“So, technically, you could live off my blood.”
“Yes, I suppose. But only in measured feedings. If I drink too much, it could make you sick, damage your internal organs, or kill you.”
I looked into his beautiful dark eyes and told him how I was feeling, how much I wanted to be a part of his world. “I want to give something of myself to you. Something I could give to no other. I want you to drink from me.”
“Whatever happened to I want you to wear my class ring?”
“I’m serious, Haru. I really want to do this for you, and for me.”
He put a hand to my cheek and drew my face close to his. His lips touched mine in a light, yet loving kiss. “I am yours, Nora. Just being with you binds me to you. Tonight, if not before, you became mine. There need not be a blood pact to promise me to you. I’m already there. You’d have to drive a stake through me to get rid of me now.”
I thought of my first impression when I saw him that very first night. How I was going to have to kill him because he was a vampire. And now here I was, naked and liberated by his touch and attentions. I had given everything to him. My heart, my love, my body. But I knew I would not feel complete until I gave him my life in the form of my blood. And not just a sip from a busted lip, or a taste from razor cut legs, but a real deep drink.
He seemed to know my thoughts. “I can smell your blood. A vampire’s senses are heightened. Every time I’m around you your blood calls to me. But, blood is not all you are to me. And I want us to have as much as a normal life together as we can.”
“I’m tired of a normal life. I want something extraordinary.”
He smiled. “Well, I’ve never spooned.”
“Me neither,” I confessed , and turned so my back was to him. He wrapped his arms around me, and pressed his beautiful pale body against mine. His front molded against my back, and he kissed my neck, smelled my hair, before his breathing became shallow and I knew this time he was truly asleep. I smiled to myself and pushed further against him so I could feel his beating heart through my spine.
“Vampire Boys Of Summer” 2017 Paul D Aronson. All Rights Reserved.